I was thinking today about my 22 years on the planet and trying to figure out when I have been the absolute happiest. (I think this came up because I just wasted 2 hours on the worst movie I've ever  seen. Those 2 hours I will never get back.)  College has definitely been a great time. I've grown up a lot and been through difficult things. Not to say that I haven't had fun, college has been a blast. I just don't know if these years are the happiest I've ever been. 

I hated high school. I didn't really have any friends and teenagers can be so cruel.  I went from a broken home to a horrible school and then back to this home that I despised.  It was an incredibly draining cycle.  I hated high school, that is, until I transferred to a private school half way through my junior year.  This place was the furthest from my previous school that is utterly possible.  I loved going to school everyday. I still had the same broken, depressing home, but every morning I got to leave and escape to this "magical place". I loved school.  I'm not sure what was so wonderful about it. Maybe it was that I had so many friends.  Maybe it was that my teachers became my encouragement and my family.  Maybe it was that I made cheerleader or that I had my first boyfriend my senior year. Maybe it was all of the above. I'm not sure, but I do know that it is probably the happiest I've ever been. 

I wonder how it would be if I knew exactly how my life would pan out.  I look back on times like my last year and a half of high school and wonder why I didn't absorb every second. Why I didn't know what I had. If I had known how I felt today 5 years ago, maybe I would have stayed in the moment instead of always looking to the future.  I also think about times like when my parents were in the midst of divorce. Times that were excruciating to go through. Times I never thought would end. I think that if would have known what I had to look forward to and known that I wouldn't suffer forever that might have made it easier to go through. Some parts of me wish I knew how life would pan out, but then again, isn't the excitement of life the surprise? 

Just trying to live in the moment,

AE

I have never done this before, blogging that is. But here goes nothing:

This blog is about the journey to find my way in the world. I am at a crossroad, about to graduate from college. Just wondering where life will take me. It is incredibly exciting and terrifying all at once. I have this incredible sensation that I can do anything, live anywhere, be anyone I want to be. The question is what do I want to do, where do I want to go and who is it that I want to be?

"Finding my serendipity" is a bit of an oxymoron. As serendipity is a fortunate accident. An accident is obviously something that can't be sought after. This fact, however, doesn't stop me from searching. I can't stop looking for what I want in life (even though I'm not sure what that is). Not doing a thing, staying still, will get me no where fast.  As scary as it is to go out into the world, on my on, without a clue as to what I'm doing; I am even more afraid of standing still. Maybe, quite possibly, as I'm searching, I will stumble upon my fortunate accident, my serendipity. 

Here we go,

AE